April countdown

Alright things are seriously still going good. My training is coming along. I'm not getting my long runs in like I should but hope to catch up a little this week. I love it.
We went to visit Trey's grave on Saturday after malery's game. It was really hard. But we needed to. My kids wanted to give him his easter eggs. So we picked out some sports one's and of course filled them with Bubble Gum and put them on his grave. I also got some pinwheels and stuck themin the ground. Funny thing - it was definitely windy at malery's soccer game, we got to the cemetary and it seemed calm. we stuck the pinwheels in the gound and for a second they didn't move - then all of a sudden a big gust of wind came and they started spinning like crazy. I told the kids that Trey was making the wind blow so that he could tell us thanks for the Easter Eggs. Of couse I had a great cry while standing there. You honestly just feel numb - like how can this be that I'm standing over Trey's grave. he should've been playing soccer today or should've had his first baseball practice. We should be planning on coloring the eggs later today - but then back to reality and the tears fall and it's a horrible numb feeling. Sorry.... I miss him, and I know so many other people do too.
So back to training - I have less than a month left. 4 more good training weeks left. I'm doing fine - I even ran hills the other day! WOW!
Thanks for all the love and support we're receiving - Have a good Easter with your families -
Please keep Ryan in your prayers - he's hanging in there - Official member of the Blue Jackets.
The Mallets just got back from their Make a Wish Trip - Olivia is doing the typical HS Senior stuff - Pictures, prom, college applications, graduation - which is so wonderful! Say a prayer for all the J5 kids. I told Jason the other day it's just not fair all these kids that are affected. His response is that J5 has always been there and kids come and go thru it - some survive and others don't. It's just really "hit home" that we are in the J5 group of greivers now.

too long

WOW it's been too long. I don't know,,,, I've had some extra time to post but I'm just not feeling it. I feel like I"m exhausted, but then I also feel a since of accomplishment right now too. I'm so proud of Shawna that I feel like I can't be down because she's doing so good. Well might be a nice front on the things - but she's holding up good. Mal is doing good too. Excited for soccer which she loves and she's going to try softball this summer too so she's staying busy.
As for me with my training - doing good. I'm following my schedule & now I feel so guilty if I think about missing a day. I'm addicted. I think about Trey often when I run. Then after the completion I like to stand facing the sun, feel the wind on my face, listen to HELD and most of the time have a good cry. It'll be two months Saturday if you go by dates, two months yesterday if you go by the weeks. It's hard to believe that when I go to mom's that he's just not going to come running up those stairs and scare us - he always did that. I know he was in so much pain towards the end - and now he's free.
I follow some others blogs/ caringbridges pages. Our Miss Olivia is getting ready to go on her make a wish trip - I believe Hawaii! How wonderful. Our Ryan is struggling a little bit with his counts to be up so that he can get his chemo again. & of course others that i read about - such strong families all brought together by this horrible disease! Say prayers for ALL the J5 kids/families/friends and supporters. We love you!

Week 3...

Man I don't know where to begin. Training is going good. I feel good running and I know that my superman is flying with me. Couple of things. Last week I had a tough run on Tuesday, so I get a package in the mail - TWO superman wristbands and a superman T-shirt. I just cried and loved it. I had no idea who it was from. Later that night I did find out it was from one of my best friends - Jaimee. Love ya & thanks for the support. Last week was tough with the fact that it's been four weeks and a month. It's so hard to believe. I have found more pictures of him lately it's wonderful to see him when he was healthy it makes me think that I didn't take enough pictures. SO now I've vowed to take a little more. Poor Raegan my niece was probably sick of me snapping pictures as she played ball the other day, but that's something I don't have of Trey - In action doing the thing he loved. So now that I can't make up for it with him, I'm going to be better with everyone else. So beware when you see me with the camera!
I also got this email from a good friend - I believe that I have to post it, not only has Trey touched so many people in his sickness he's still doing it.
have to tell you what happened to me yesterday. I am training to be in the Race for the Cure in May. Anyhow...I have been thinking a lot about you and your family and it's giving me an extra motivation when things get tough out there.Anyhow, I forgot to charge my Ipod on Sunday, and so when I went to run yesterday I only had 1/2 a battery life (hopefully you have an ipod so you know what I am even talking about) So prior to the last two songs I had left to run, my battery light turned to red---I didn't think it was going to make it thru those songs. But it did, somehow! Stayed red, but still worked. My run was not easy yesterday and I thought a lot about Trey and how you said he was so strong...I pushed myself harder. As a cool down, I have been doing as you, and listening to the song 'Held' I knew I wasn't going to be able to b/c my Ipod was going to crash---so I went to flip to it anyhow...and much to my shock, and cold chills, the bar went back up to 1/2 battery- Green. I cried Mel. I am crying now as I type this. Amazing how someone I never met, can push me and so many others to do better.

It's amazing the people that are pushed in another direction now all because of our superman.
I also want to mention our Ryan - Trey's J5 big brother is having some tough times right now and could use some big prayers. SO pick up those prayers for Ryan and all the other J5 kids and everyone else that has their special requests! We love you!

Trey was definitely with me last night - I really struggled getting in 4 miles, but made it. I know that my superman is flying with me so I have to do this for him. I felt great after I finished and listened to Held and cried and did my cool down. Shawna and Mal are doing good and Wes too. Malery was excited because the UPS Man brought her valentines yesterday that we sent her, I guess he said are you Malery Martens, she smiled and said yes, he said well this delivery is for YOU! She was excited! I feel that right now at this time I feel weak, but have a strength about me that I just cant explain. I don't know. Last night I was in the kitchen, the kids were down stairs, turned around and almost tripped over a little blue soccer ball - it was wierd how it got placed right there - of course I said Trey tried to trip me! I miss him, I'm finding pictures all over the house of him that I haven't seen in awhile. It's a good sign that he's still here with us, just that I can't hear him say "hey aunt Lissa". I also have to comment that we have another follower. Little Noah! Oh how I think of him, how much I cried when he walked up to Trey's casket and just cried at his best friend there - it's so hard to explain to a young one. We love you Noah - Tey tay loved his no no.... (I know I probably didn't do that right but you got the point)
“Children with cancer are like candles in the wind who accept the possibility that they are in danger of being extinguished by a gust of wind from nowhere and yet, they flicker and dance to remain alive, their brilliance challenges the darkness and dazzles those of us who watch their light.”-Author unknown
I got that from Ryans Site - Continue to pray for him and let him keep fighting the good fight for himself and our Trey. Trey loved Ryan so much.

Week 1 down....

Well the weather has cooperated and I was able to run outside. I have felt a great sense of being while running. I have a song on my Ipod and it talks about superman - it's kind of my special song. I feel great - then I run and afterwards my cool down song is always Held By Natalie Grant, which I spoke some of her song at Trey's funeral. I feel a sense of closeness to him that I can just relax and breathe and look into the sky and reflect. I really miss him, I'm sure Shawna and Wes and Mal do too! There are days that go by when I think he's home and fine - but then I just hit myself and come back to reality. Every morning when I'm taking the kids to Nana's house we say our prayers and we say what we think Trey is doing every day in heaven - so the other day with the clouds out they said they didn't think he'd play outside that day - so instead we said he's inside the house of gold playing wii. It's great to be able to think positive thoughts for my kids. It's so hard to realize he's gone. & like so many cancer patients and familys your life is never the same - it's either that fear in the back of your mind that something could be wrong with your child again or that reality that your child or loved one is gone. It's a horrible feeling that is just something you can't describe. I'm sure all of you whose lives that Trey touched feel that loss in your hearts too. We have to stay strong because he was strong! We have to live because he wants us to~ We're laying here watching Extreme Makeover and it makes you realize how precious life is and that all too quickly things can change. I try to live my life differently every day, to be more aware of my surroundings, my children and to be thankful of what I have and have had that made me love so much.
FROG for our superman!

cold outside...

Well today was my first actual 'small' distance day. Man it's cold outside. I sucked it up and ran outside! In between meetings at work and Maris' pre-school I managed to squeeze in 3 miles! I would love to have a treadmill to run in my basement - but right now I just don't have that extra $ to throw out - so I needed the fresh air anyway to reflect on my journey and what it was going to be anyway! Trey would've been out playing in the snow if he was here - so I sucked it up and ran - it was actually beautiful out. Along the past few weeks I've come to realize who your true friends are - who is there for you in the times when you really need them. I know our whole family both Rhymer and Martens are struggling - there isn't a day that goes by that I don't see something that reminds me of Trey. & I'm sure everyone is a lot like that. Shawna was reflecting on a conversation her and Wes had the other night - The guys were over at their house and they were watching an OSU ball game - they won and all the guys started throwing Trey up in the air - HE LOVED THAT! So that's what we need to do - reflect on the good times. So with that being said I've come to notice that friends are friends and Best friends are there - no matter what - they just call to say - hey how are you today - I'm thinking of you! & I appreciate that! So when I first committed to do this run my best friend carrie said - oh no you've got to have a running buddy. She's out of the question because she's expecting twins in a few months - & I thought - no I'll be fine - I've got my superman flying along with me, but I did keep thinking it would be nice to have someone during my long runs and never really thought much more of it- But now I do have that running buddy, along with Trey, my Sister in law - Mandy has committed to run this with me and be my Buddy - she's also a best friend of mine. Lord knows she and I haven't always seen eye to eye (smile Mandy) but I know that she's there for me thru the good and bad times and I appreciate that. It's just like I said at Trey's funeral how much support from the Baltimore family that Shawna and Wes have - it's great to have that support and we love it! I'm excited to keep posting and to keep you all updated on my progress, Mandy's progress, how we're getting along remembering stories of Trey and how we're living on for him. I love him so much and I miss him alot - I miss hearing "hey aunt lissa" when I call there. But I have that in my head and believe it or not I do hear it alot. Keep lifting our family up and keep checking in on us!

Now on another J5 note- Trey has another Tree climbing buddy that joined him in heaven today. Mason Woods passed. We are thinking of his family - Mason used to send Trey e-cards all the time. He has a brother named Trey so they had a little connection! We know what their family is going thru and hope brighter days are coming.

getting ready to RUN

Well I'm finalizing my schedule and plan to start full go on Monday. I have a peace about me - like this is what I'm supposed to be doing. I"m also looking for a superman wristband to wear while I train - I think when I look down at it I'll remember heck 3, 4,8, 10 or 13 miles is NOTHING compared to our superman. I"m being a BIG FROG right now.
Also want to post that I check up on many J5 kids and Mason Woods isn't doing very well. Mason was in the hospital when Trey was first in there and had a successful Bone marrow transplant from his brother - Trey. Mason sent Trey a lot of greeting cards and even though they never really hung out they had a special connection. I talked to Brad - Ryan's dad and he seems to be doing better from the other night - he's having headaches and has to have some tests on Monday. Keep praying for these special kids. They go thru so much, more than we will ever know.